Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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