she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
