he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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