Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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