We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My life is pants optional.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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