I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
