My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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