I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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