Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
