Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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