She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
