Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
