Cold hands, warm shart.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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