what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
