Say something about gay babies.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am one with the molecules
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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