I wannas sexs uuuuu
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
