im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize