bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
