just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
