Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
