Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
