ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
