theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
