it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
