I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
