Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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