so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
