I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
