i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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