watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
