it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
