I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
