Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
