a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
