i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
