i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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