I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
