MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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