There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
