I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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