hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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