Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
