This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
