Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
