it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
