I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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