just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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