You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
