god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
