Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
