I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
