I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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