Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
