I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
