I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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