my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
