I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
