Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
