Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
