sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize