It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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