I CAN MOONWALK!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
