i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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