well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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