i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
