i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
