ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize