Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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