Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
