I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We had to coat check the pizza.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
