I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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