So drunk its hurt
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
