I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
bring money and cleavage
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
