when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
