East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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