so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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