its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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