Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
