ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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