omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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