I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
