You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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