Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
