so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
