You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
