Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
