I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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