Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
