Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
