I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
