Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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