the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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