fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
