My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
