Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
