Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
